Peaceful Rest Valley is the biggest outdoor dungeon yet. It’s a very weird place, with the vaguely threatening music over the sound of rushing water, and the strangely beautiful contrast of the pale grass and the purple water.
It’s surprisingly labyrinthian, and it’s filled with useful goods and, of course, deadly new baddies. Those that are not alien in origin are sentient plants, perhaps made so by alien meddling. Giygas, what are you UP to??
Some of the enemies here also have wild, careening movements, veering back and forth. This makes them very difficult to outmaneuver, but because of the nature of Peaceful Rest Valley, they might get caught on flora, rocks, and other obstacles. You can use choke points to your advantage here to elude enemies and pick your fights more careful.
PROTIP: Grab the Teddy Bear from Paula’s bedroom back in Twoson. For as long as you have it, it will receive damage instead of you, about 100 HP worth. Be sure and grab it after you’ve gotten the Pencil Eraser, so as not to waste it.
These Mobile Sprouts aren’t so tough, but they can use PSI Magnet to steal you PP and heal themselves with PSI Lifeup. They can also sow seeds around multiply, so you don’t want a bunch of these guys stealing PP and healing each other. That would be the worst.
The Li’l UFO is not only quick and evasive, but it shoots a beam that causes nighttime stuffiness. That’s right – it gives you a cold! You sneeze and suffer 4 HP of damage every round. You can cure yourself if you have a cold remedy, or if you’ve learned PSI Healing.
The Territorial Oak is one of the most ridiculous enemies in the game. Not only can it hit hard and lower you offense and defense, it also bursts into flames and explodes upon defeat, hurting everyone. You are guaranteed to take a hit when fighting the Territorial Oak, and any Teddy Bear you have is destroyed. Tread softly, and scroll through text quickly to minimize damage.
Spinning Robo is basically like Li’l UFO, though it can also put a Shield on itself. Also, sometimes it drops… WAIT, WHAT
Guys, I–
This is my 10th time playing this game. And I have never gotten this item before.
This is so exciting.
Well, it turns out the only thing to do with it is sell it for $1000. Not A LOT of money, but enough to add plenty of wiggle room to my next shopping trip.
In Onett, enemies did not appear within the boundaries of town. In Twoson, some of the townsfolk ARE bad guys!
These guys are mostly soft, but they start introducing some ridiculous and tricky strategies, brushing their teeth and acting like drunk weirdos to buff, debuff, and stun.
Anyway, from this point on, I’m not going to do so much of a play-by-play of the game. There enough yokels whom I’ve stolen images from who’ve been down that road. From now on I’m just gonna comment where the commenting is good.
SO in Twoson you find out that your next party member, the telepathic Paula, has been kidnapped by the Happy Happyist cult. Her parents, who run the preschool, are the last to find out.
In order to get to Happy Happy Village, you have to go through Peaceful Rest Valley.
Not very far into the valley, you run into this.
There is no way past it. At least not now. And yet, this is the direction you’re supposed to go! So I guess there’s something you need back in Twoson?
You have to talk to the inventors! One of them can give you something useful, probably! Let’s talk to the handsome young Orange Kid.
Greetings. I’m Orange Kid, the inventor. Have you heard of me? I’m a bit embarrassed about my reputation. I have a lot of inventions in development, but I’m running short of cash. I’m basically a happy-go-lucky person, so I’m not worried. You know, I’m working on this machine that would really help you in Peaceful Rest Valley. I hope it’s ready soon… what? You’re actually willing to help finance the project?
>Yes
Oh goody! Would it be okay to get $200 to buy materials?
>Yes
Thank you very much! Your support should have a tremendous impact on all mankind.
Let me give you my new “Super Orange Machine.” I call it “Suporma” for short. Please use it for spreading peace and goodwill on Earth.
Alright let’s go back to Peaceful Rest Valley and try this out.
The Suporma sang the song “Ode to Orange Kid.” As soon as it finished, the machine broke down.
…
Alright, my confidence in inventors has taken a hit, but let’s try talking to the dweeby Apple Kid.
Well, I have sort of neglected doing my housework… I know it’s a bit of a pig sty, but anyway… I’m Apple Kid. I haven’t taken a bath in quite a while, so I may be kind of stinky.
By the way, I’m starving. Do you have something to eat? If you do, can I have some?
>Yes
What can you give me? Please choose something edible… I’m not a garbage can, you know.
>anything edible
Thanks. You seem very nice. Uh, I wonder if… Maybe you would like to invest some money in my inventions?
>Yes
Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh. Excuse me. I mean thank you! By the way, I could really use $200.
>Yes
Thank you. I won’t let you down.
The invention isn’t ready off the bat, though. In the meanwhile, Apple Kid’s pet mouse gives me the Receiver Phone, with which I can receive a phone call from anywhere in the world. Though I can’t make outgoing calls with it.
Only after dicking around for a little bit will you get a call from Apple Kid tell you he finished his invention: the Pencil Eraser, which will erase any pencil shaped object.
This interlude demonstrates another thing Earthbound is good at: trolling. Even if you invested in the inventions before you headed for Peaceful Rest Valley, the Pencil Eraser would not be complete until went to the iron pencil statue and came back to town.
This also acts as an additional incident of the motif started with the introduction of Buzz Buzz: never judging a book by its cover. The pudgy, stinky Apple Kid was much nicer and more useful than the slick and vain Orange Kid.
The whole game is like this. In addition to your party members, you will make the most unlikely of friends.
Well, now I gotta go down to the precinct and explain myself to this guy.
So here you are. You’re the little delinquent that came back from Giant Step! Now you listen here… “Don’t Enter” means just that– DO NOT ENTER! You got that? And furthermore… Blah blah Blah blah It’s usually those tax evaders who… Blah blah Blah blah We don’t enjoy blocking off the roads, you know… Blah blah Blah blah It’s usually the local whiners that make a big deal about emergencies and meteorites! Blah blah Blah blah Blah blah
I love how the “blah blah’s” are parsed in a nice, staccato.
But, hey, who’s this other guy, his superior?
Captain Strong asks if you want to get through the road blocks and get to the town of Twoson. If you say Yes, your control of Ness is robbed for the first time and Strong ushers you into The Back Room.
YEAH! Strong tests your might by trying to murder you with cops! You’re subjected to five fights in a row, without a break.
You don’t get a chance to access the menu between fights, so I hope you came prepared! Most first-timers don’t. Make sure you got hamburgers and keep your HP in the 40s at least. If you’re lucky and/or tough enough, you can quicken a few of the fights with a good PSI Rockin’.
I also love this guy who leaves without fighting you. Because you think you’ll get out without having to fight anyone else, but then you’re left fighting Captain Strong, who’s strong!
Guys, this game is so good. Y’know why? Since starting the game, we’ve been asked to,
1. Find the next-door neighbor and embrace your destiny 2. Pacify The Sharks 3. Liberate the Sanctuary at Giant Step 4. Strongarm Captain Strong and the police
Those are four separate challenges to tackle. All in the first town in the game! You might have thought that the Onett Police Department might have been just window dressing for the game’s prologue, but they also function as a challenge unique from every other up to this point.
Ness gets money from his bank account, which is jointly owned by his father. For every enemy you defeat, Dad deposits the appropriate amount of money. With your trusty ATM card you can withdraw money from and deposit money into Ness’ account.
Why would you want to put your money away?
Well, get this. Here’s what happens when you get KO’d in battle.
If you accept the offer to continue, you’re brought back to your last save point, and,
1. All of your PP is gone. 2. All of your teammates stay dead and have to be retrieved from the hospital. 3. Any items you’ve used are gone.
AND!
4. Half of all money on your person is removed.
BUT!
5. You retain all experience received up until your death!
So, if you remember to deposit your money when you’re headed somewhere dangerous, you don’t necessarily have to restart your game when you die. As long as you’re careful with your resources.
I love how the game indicates the death of your characters – suffering mortal damage, collapsing, becoming floating, ghostly images with halos.
And yet when you go to the hospital, reception will tell you that your “departed” have actually been there all along! You just have to pay money for their release.
It’s a pretty funny way for the game to have its cake and eat it, too. Even when using strong language and imagery to suggest the end your life, the same authority (the game) tells you that it’s okay, their parachutes deployed, they’re alive after all!
All right, let’s get through this shack and get to where we’re going to.
Giant Step is the first official dungeon in Earthbound, and several new elements come to light with the introduction of some new BAD DUDES!! All of them are rodents.
Rowdy Mouse’s thing is that it has a really high critical hit rate. So you’ll be bashing away at him like everything’s alright, being all like “No, thank you” to recovering HP, and then SMAAAASH!! Now you’re in critical condition and hoping you get the first action in on the next turn! Rowdy Mouse is here to punish you for being lazy.
Attack Slugs consistently attack in very large groups, prompting you with a decision: to either defeat them all with physical attacks, or using 10 precious Psychic Points to take them all out at once with Ness’ PSI attack move.
The worst dudes, though, might be these guys. Black Antoids usually attack in pairs. They do consistently more damage than other baddies in this damn cave, and they know Lifeup Alpha, the same recovery skill Ness has. Take these guys down fast.
So a beautiful thing about Earthbound is that all enemies can be seen before you fight them. There are no random encounters! Earthbound may be one of the first games to introduce the concept of gaining or losing the advantage in battle based on how the battle is initiated. If you tag the enemy’s back, you get a bonus turn! If the enemy gets the drop on you, you have to suffer a turn without any input.
If you haven’t figured it out by this point, Giant Step is the place where you may notice that some enemies move about differently than others. Some come out you in arcing paths, some careen wildly, some even teleport toward you at set intervals.
For the jerks in Giant Step: for every step you take, they take two toward you. With this in mind you can anticipate how far you can go before a battle is initiated, how far away you can lure a sole enemy to overwhelm them, how close can you get to loot, how far away the nearest exit is. You ain’t just walking around like some schmuck – yer ALWAYS thinkin’!
The other big difference between Giant Step and previous challenges, like finding Picky and the siege of the arcade, is that you have no idea where you’re going.
You find Picky somewhere you’ve been before, and you can SEE Frank Fly in the lot behind the arcade. But you don’t know for sure what lies at the other end of the cave behind the shack.
OH, BUT I DO
Titanic Ant is the first really tough fight of the game, every turn asking yourself, should I heal NOW?” PROTIP: At this point in the game, it’s better to hold onto that PP for healing than for attacking. This is especially true fighting Titanic Ant, who can suck away your PP with PSI Magnet. What a Titanic DICK! Though you will want to open with one PSI Rockin’ attack to get rid of the Black Antoids flanking him.
Once you do it, you gain access to your first Sanctuary.
And then you get to enjoy a walk back to town as all of the vermin cower – enemies will literally run away from you in fear.
The Minch Family are classless assholes. Picky, as the youngest son, isn’t so bad, because he hasn’t been alive long enough to be indoctrinated. But Aloysius Minch and Lardna Minch, are all serving, two-faced jackasses.
Classless really is the word. Like, how classless would you have to be to accuse a kid’s dad of welching on his debts? Especially if that kid lives next door and just rescued your son from an uncertain fate?
And way to make me doubt my father! I always assumed my allowance came from the bad guys I defeated in combat.
And way to be purposefully ignorant of your place in the world and of what’s going on in your husband’s mind, Mrs. Minch.
Y’know what? I think Buzz Buzz, a noble and dignified creature from the future, was not killed by the flabby hand on Mrs. Minch, but by her sheer lack of class.
Giygas is a long way off. Right now, these people, standing opposed to everything I stand for – are the closest to villains that we’ve met.
God, what negative, loveless people. They probably just don’t like living next to a loving family like mine.
Ha ha, yeah, Mom! I love it when my mom hates people that I hate, too.
His name [Aloysius Minch] is most likely a reference to Atticus Finch, the character from To Kill A Mockingbird. Strangely, compared to Atticus, his personality is completely different.
In the Japanese version of Mother 2, when Ness takes Pokey and Picky home, Aloysius takes his sons upstairs to punish them by spanking them. In the English version, he takes Pokey and Picky upstairs, but does not spank them. Instead, Pokey says that his dad isn’t letting him have dessert for the rest of the decade.
If you enter Pokey’s house directly after the meteor crash, both Pokey’s parents are not in the house. Picky tells Ness that they went out to an elegant restaurant.
Man, screw the Minches.
EDIT (7/27): Another lovely bit about the Minches in this great piece.
To begin with, you get a peek early on into the home life of your rival and neighbor, Pokey. His father, rendered clearly even by the limited graphics as a portly, perhaps ursine man, audibly strikes his children off-screen. Later he talks about how much money he has loaned your family. Pokey’s mother defends her husband adamantly and then murders the bee-guardian sent back from the future to protect you. The entire thing, right down to the nightmare-circus music that plays while you are inside their house, is a harrowing picture of suburban hell.
I said before that it’s impossible to write about Earthbound without writing about your personal experience with it. Well, I’m punching my card right now.
Ness’ hometown of Onett is tied so closely to my hometown in my head that I sometimes I think the developers took a trip to Bergen County, New Jersey for research, like how Disney animators went to Africa to research for the Lion King. Or how Sonic Team went to Mayan temples for Sonic Adventure. It could be a thing!
Ness and I both live in walking distance of the library, the police department, and town hall. The townsfolk are by turns verynice or weird jerks. And suburban cops mostly just flex their authority at you without being very helpful.
And like in any beautiful suburban town in the summer, there are delinquents with too little to do. These punks call themselves The Sharks. They’ve caused a lot of trouble around town and have holed themselves up in the local Arcade, using it as their headquarters. The police clearly have their hands full with setting up road blocks, so the Sharks are running loose.
Interestingly, the only town with a street gang in Earthbound is also the only town with a mayor. The only policy this guy seems to have is getting re-elected, so it’s up to the general public to figure out what to do with this street gang.
Some suspicious-looking kids are hanging out in the woods north of the library. I wonder if they are members of the Sharks. To stop the spread of the gang, someone should shut down their gathering places, don’t you think? I’ve started a movement that will stop all of the bad influences on the children of Onett. I call it the “Fresh Breeze Movement.” Hum de dum dum… – the general public
The “suspicious-looking kids” are just children in a treehouse, friends of Ness. [PROTIP: one of them gives you a hat that boosts your defense.]
Adults planning policies to punish an entire age group because of a few bad apples? Yep, I remember growing up in suburban America. Itoi and gang definitely did their research.
Actually, it’s kind of awesome that, while this lady condemns the activities of these kids, she is at the same time giving their location, so you can find them and get a sweet hat. THAT’S how you write a video game!
So, anyway, it’s up to a good kid like you to beat up the bad kids. Why?
1. You need to get to Giant Step, the location of the first Melody. 2. Passing through the traveling entertainer’s shack is the only way to Giant Step. 3. The Sharks trashed the entertainer’s shack. 4. The mayor locked up the shack so no more funny business would occur.
So you have to reassure the Mayor that no more funny business will occur by taking care of the jokers that call themselves The Sharks.
I thought I’d stop the post there. But No! Let’s go the whole way.
As you approach the arcade, Sharks begin to appear, and you may end up fighting a bunch at once. The trickiest thing about the Sharks is that they’re the first enemies to call OTHER enemies to join them in battle, leaving you fighting multiple dudes at once for the first time. So put ’em down quick!
A lot of assholes who think they’re funny in here. And who’s this kid that they let in here? Are they just impressed with how good he is at pinball? Is he THAT kid??
When you finally reach the lot behind the arcade, you meet the ringleader, Fail-proof Frank Fly. Look at this guy’s style. Like the Big Bopper or some shit. He’s tough, too! You’ll basically be healing every other turn. Buy a couple of hamburgers, and keep enough PP to use Lifeup. Use your bat to smash him rather than your psychic attack powers.
But even when you beat him, he sics his attack robot on you! Wow, this guys dresses slick and makes robots. Maybe he deserves to run this town after all.
The Frankystein is funny, because it wastes turns pretty often, but when it does hit you, it hurts! Keep your HP high.
When you beat Franky, he admits that he is no longer failproof and gives you a whole spiel. Tells you about the mayor, about Giant Step, and how he’s gonna change his ways. He turns out to be a really decent guy! PROTIP: Frank will now heal you for free. FUCK the Hotel!
So let’s head to speak with Mayor Pirkle himself.
Hey hey hey! I’m Mayor B.H. Pirkle. It’s so nice to meet you. You beat up the town bullies, punched them out big time, kicked their butts, bit their heads off, spit in their eyes, and made them wet their pants. Then you forced them to promise not to make any more trouble. Thank you! What? You want a key to the touring entertainers’ shack? For someone as great as you, giving you the key could help keep the town peaceful. However, if you encounter a dangerous situation, please don’t ask me to take any responsibility. I’ll be able to avoid any responsibility, right? >Yes >No
If “No”: I’m a very important man in these parts. Do you think I’m important? >Yes >No
If “No”: Look, I’m the big cheese around here, and a brat like you should realize when someone is trying to be nice.
If “Yes” to either: You’re such a smart kid… Here’s the key to the shack.
Yeah, no, asshole, even if I weren’t a silent protagonist. And I HATE when Pirkle says, “a brat like you should realize when someone is trying to be nice.” That’s exactly the kind of double-faced shit an adult would say.
This is a HUGE deviation from traditional RPG scenarios. In a game like Dragon Quest, the king might ask you to deal with the local villain, and when you do the king says thank you, and give you a boat or some such.
In the end, the street gang leader Frank Fly is more genuine and charitable than Mayor Pirkle. Frank learns something and changes. The Mayor learns nothing and stays the same.
And, honestly, what can he learn from behind that desk shielded by Yes-men? As always, the one true place to educate yourself is in the School of Hard Knocks, Class 101: THE STREETS.
Maybe if you beat the Mayor up he’d change his tune.
So here’s the first real trick you can pull in Earthbound. I’m not sure if I’d suggest this for first time players, because it kind of breaks up the flow of the beginning of the game, and you might end of a little over-leveled. Some people might like that.
What you want to do is fight a lot of Spiteful Crows. Spiteful Crows, as you know, always drop cookies. What you want to do is fill your inventory with cookies.
Once your inventory is full, then you can head for the meteorite and trigger the rest of the events that will lead to Buzz Buzz’s sad end.
Normally, the Sound Stone, like your ATM card, is not an item you can ever remove from your inventory. However, in these situation, Buzz Buzz simply has no other choice. Since your sister acts as your store box for extra items, she can keep it indefinitely for the entire game.
You have just permanently liberated a free spot in your inventory for the rest of your game. If you ever retrieve it from your sister, though, it will be permanently stuck amongst your stuff.
It delights me to no end that, not only is this possible, but it’s pretty illuminating for Buzz Buzz and the writer.
1. Buzz Buzz knows you have a sister willing to hold onto your stuff and is able to send things to her telepathically.
2. Shigesato Itoi, the creator, clearly did not want to have to disrupt the dramatic flow of Buzz Buzz’s death by making the player go through their inventory and throw something away, so he just rewards the player’s ingenuity by suddenly making up more stuff that Buzz Buzz can do.
Buzz Buzz is a bee from 10 years in the future who tells you of your destiny to cease the devastation of the universal cosmic destroyer, Giygas.
Pokey hears the buzzing before you do. If Pokey wasn’t around, you might have missed out on your destiny entirely.
What I love about Buzz Buzz’s appearance is how it’s the first subtle thing that happens in the game. He doesn’t come from the future in a Terminator-esque explosion of wind and electricity, but from a silent, golden pillar of light. It’s so peaceful and reassuring, it’s like the Assumption.
Buzz Buzz’s appearance seems to banish all beasts from the hills. The walk back home with Buzz Buzz is without incident, UNTIL–
This asshole from the future appears with a BOOM and a FLASH and says that he’s gonna kill us all. We get into a fight and HEY WAIT A MINUTE!
He looks like the guy on the box! Fucking expressionless alien robot creep with his arms akimbo! And, hey: look at the reflection in this guy’s visor – that’s Ness looking up at him! How tall is this guy? Is this SERIOUS BUSINESS?
Evidently not! Buzz Buzz puts a shield of light around the entire party, nullifying all of the Starman’s attacks, and then beats the shit out of him by hurling his tiny body into him.
The advantage to Earthbound’s Dragon Quest-style dialog box in combat is that it obviates the need to clumsily illustrate certain actions where the player can do it in their mind’s eye. Buzz Buzz’s feats are all left to your imagination, with blanks filled in by sound and some visual effects.
It’s important to note that Starman Junior is the first enemy to be “defeated” as opposed to “tamed”.
Finally we get Pokey and Picky home, and their passive-aggressive parents apologize for the trouble. I’ll go into more detail about these assholes later.
Buzz Buzz, maybe sensing some sort of evil, alights on Mrs. Minch’s head. She reacts quickly, and deals Buzz Buzz a fatal blow.
As the only person left in the room who understands Buzz Buzz’s intention, you stand over him as he finishes explaining your mission to save the future. He gives you the Sound Stone (where was he keeping it?) to record the eight melodies scattered in sacred sites across the earth.
He asks if you understand what he has told you, then dies with an “Argh!” and a gasp.
…I see. I apologize. I guess I didn’t explain it well enough… -Buzz Buzz, if you tell him you don’t understand him.
The walk to the meteorite and Buzz Buzz’s arrival and departure act as the perfect prologue to what will be a long journey, setting up your expectation by both literally telling you what’s going to happen and by showing you what almost definitely will happen.
First, Buzz Buzz tells you of a legend of three boys and a girl that will defeat Giygas. You’re not getting close to that dude until you can all unite as a team.
Second, Giygas has a shitload of dudes under his influence – his evil even permeates through time to affect animals and some people – and more of them are definitely going to get in your way. And if you’re going to stand up to them, you’ll need to be at least as powerful as Buzz Buzz.
Buzz Buzz serves the same purpose Zero does in Mega Man X. Both Buzz Buzz and Zero defeat an incredibly strong enemy for you by using abilities you don’t have.
If you’re going to keep playing, you’re going to need to defeat bad guys like these. Which means you’re almost definitely going to have access to the abilities like Buzz Buzz has. You’re going to get stronger.
But now the training wheels come off. Buzz Buzz is gone. Even Pokey, Picky, and your dog are gone. As you step outside, a new day begins, and it belongs only to you.
Only once Pokey recruits you to find Picky and the Onett police have left do savage beasts appear on the road to the meteorite. There are only three kinds to start, but they teach you so much of what to expect.
The Coil Snake is the single weakest enemy in the game, and gives you 1 experience point on defeat. But he can wrap himself around you, anulling your next action! A very devious tactic in the right battle, but for now it’s pretty harmless: when it’s coiling around you, it can’t hurt you.
The Runaway Dog grants the most experience points of the first enemies (4!!! enough to level you up for the first time), but is also the only enemy that can waste it’s turn by howling harmlessly into the air. Sometimes, bad guys just do what they want to do.
The Spiteful Crow is a motherfucker. It’s so fast that, basically no matter how high your level is, the Crow will always get the first move. Although sometimes it does waste a turn with a big grin on its face, it can also peck at your eyes, which does quite a bit of damage at this point in the game.
Not only that, it can STEAL from you. And you don’t get the item back when you defeat it – it’s just gone. Fortunately, it only seems to go after food items.
Spiteful Crows give you just 3 experience points, but upon defeat they always drop a cookie. These only recover 6 HP, but until you learn Lifeup Alpha, cookies are the only way to heal yourself in the field.
What I love about these enemies is how different they all are. Even though your only attack option in battle at this point is to hit things with your bat – Pokey just wastes his turn cowering and your dog just does minimal damage – the bad guys already provide so much variety that you can never really be sure what the dialog box at the top of the battle screen will say next. And we’re just gettin’ started!
