My brothers, Tim and Brendan, and I got together a while ago to review The 3rd Birthday, Square Enix’s worst ever treaty violation.
It was our first night together since Christmastime, so we were excited AS HELL to talk about this, and well, we started recording around 10 at night and we stopped around 2 in the morning. We cover the game with a fine-tooth comb from beginning to end, with plenty of (non-boring) tangents related to many other games (Resident Evil, Mass Effect, Illusion of Gaia, etc.) and ideas (sci-fi and art, etc.).
It’s in .mp3 format, split apart into four segments for palatable listening.
It looks like it was supposed to come out, like, 7 years before it did.
Publishers were so unconfident in its appeal, they tried to sell it based on how unappealing it seemed.
The core gameplay is basically copied directly from another game that redefined its genre,
though it also includes its own semi-realistic unique elements, like eating food and using a phone to save.
It comes from the mind of this one Japanese guy,
and takes place in his perception of the United States,
and the whole thing is filled with homages to all of the things he likes.
The story is a goofier retelling of a story that’s been told once before,
[Any game in which you have to collect 8 of something before beating the last boss]
and there are a lot of weird people doing stuff that doesn’t make sense all of the time.
But because you spend so much time with them, you start to really care about them,
and as things get more and more earnest, as the end draws closer, the emotional weight of everything has been built up so subtly that you did not expect the sudden urge to cry at the mind-bending climax.
There are more significant parallels, still, but that would mean spoilers for both, and you’re not ready for that yet.
So ever since Earthbound came out on the Wii U’s Virtual Console – which is an incredible concession on Nintendo’s part, but since none of the music in the game has been removed, clearly Nintendo of America’s insistence that the game could not be re-released due to copyrighted song samples was a huuuuge lie – everybody’s jumpin’ back onto the bandwagon that I’ve been carting all on my lonesome.
These things made me realize that all of my favorite games, to some degree, are like Earthbound; in that they not only make great use of the interactive and long-form nature of the medium, but also are unafraid to include the strange, personal things that other single-minded, artist-driven mediums have been using for many years.
With Earthbound’s re-release, there is a new layer of purpose to my writing. Now that people are actually playing it, we can actually discuss its importance – what it got right, what others have ignored, and who has been paying attention.
Metal Gear Solid 2 is about legacies. About passing the torch.
I mean, I always knew this, but I never knew just how deep it went.
The most obvious torch is the one passed from Snake to Raiden. The whole purpose of the S3 project to recreate Raiden in the image of Solid Snake. Although the Patriots are the ones in charge of the project, Snake himself ultimately sees Raiden through his transformation into a hero, both for the day and for Metal Gear as a series.
Though Solidus tries to pass his own torch to Raiden on more than one occasion. Raiden and other child soldiers fought under Solidus in the Liberian Civil War. At the end of the game, Raiden is then victim to expository monologues by both Solidus and the Patriots’ malevolent AI with the goal of getting him to appreciate their perspective.
Of course, Solidus has been a father and light-bearer in more than one way. Not only is he former United States President George Sears, he is also the leader of Dead Cell, a former SEAL group that become the terrorists holding the Big Shell hostage in wanting with the demands of Solidus, their founder.
Though members of Dead Cell have their own torches to bear, as well – some more successfully than others. Fortune’s father, Marine Corps Commandant Scott Dolph, is killed in the Tanker incident, and she harbors a hatred for Solid Snake as a result. Her husband, former Dead Cell leader Colonel [no first name given] Jackson, is convicted of mishandling government funds and dies in prison. Also, her mother commits suicide. Fortune picks up Colonel Jackson’s mantle and leads Dead Cell toward its terrorist destiny. And her superpower of extreme luck – succeeding in every mission with suffering any injury – she believes was inherited from the ghost of her father.
Then there’s Peter Stillman, the bomb disposal expert who faked an injury to gain sympathy from others in spite of the fact that he trained Dead Cell member Fat Man in bomb disposal – in the end, equipping him perfectly to become the mad bomber of the story. Fat Man agrees to the mission specifically hoping to show up his former mentor. Stillman dies wishing that he had held onto that torch.
Then there’s Otacon and Emma. Part of me remembered Otacon teaching Emma what he knew, and then realized that it’s Emma who creates the virus that disables Arsenal Gear. In a way, they each inherit something from the other. Moreover, they both have to the carry the fucked-up history of their parents. Not to mention Otacon’s whole family history when it comes to war crimes.
And then there’s the babies, the literal genetic heirs of the previous generation. All of Olga’s work as a double (triple??) agent with Snake were a means to expose the Patriots and discover the whereabouts of her daughter, Sunny, whom they had taken hostage. Before she dies, she gives Snake and Raiden the task of saving Sunny.
Sunny, ultimately, becomes Snake and Otacon’s adoptive daughter and becomes a technical genius under Otacon’s tutelage, avenging others whose lives were ruined due to PMCs created in the Patriots’ wake.
Raiden and Rose, too, end up with a baby of their own. Raiden, who only recently took charge of his life, has to take charge of another, as well. Though he’s slow to rise to the occasion.
MGS2 was bearing the torch carried by MGS1, a game that defined, technically, the Playstion One, through it’s extensive real-time visuals, dual-analog controls, and hours of recorded voice. MGS2, in turn, would define the Playstation 2 by including first-person view to expand the scope of the detail of the new generation, and even making use of the Dual Shock 2’s pressure sensitive buttons. So it’s kind of like Sony is passing a torch to itself.
More than anything, though, MGS2 is a torch lit by Kojima to pass to us as both a warning and a promise. The digital age we live in now has brought with the the ability to deceive and manipulate people on a massive scale – but it also brought the tools to cut through lies and share our experiences with others, and keep us all connected, sharing the stories of our pasts with one another.
We are who we are because of those who came before us. That’s why it’s called Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty.
The moment you step out of the warehouse with the battered Mani Mani statue, Apple Kid calls you to inform you of his newest invention, a yogurt machine that only dispenses trout-flavored yogurt. He’s nice enough to send it to you via Escargo Express’ “neglected class” delivery service.
When you step out of Jackie’s Cafe, a monkey will come up and tell you that the simian guru Talah Rama is awaiting your presence at the caves in Dusty Dune Desert.
Just as the talking monkey leaves, a guy from Escargo Express comes up and tells you that he lost the yogurt dispenser in the desert, so you can go and get it yourself.
Then the moment the Escargo guy leaves, Electra, Geldegarde Monotoli’s overworked maid, drops by to tell you that she could really use some trout-flavored yogurt to serve to Mr. Monotoli’s special guests – probably the goddamn Minches.
FINALLY, once everyone’s done running on- and off-screen like a Scooby Doo hallway scene, you get control back, and it’s time to head to the Monkey Caves in the Dusty Dunes desert.
Now this shit is some ridiculous trolling. It’s not a monster-filled dungeon, but it’s just as harrowing. You have to navigate your way through this monkey maze, but the only way to access each entrance is to give a consumable item to the monkey blocking your way.
This is especially devious considering at this point you’re still hoping Paula will rejoin the party so you can start carrying more things again. Now, when inventory space is most precious, the game asks you to lug around a bunch of bullshit just so you can give it away to the these filthy monkeys.
The good news is, unlike the game’s previous cavernous troll, this one is worth the effort. The monkeys are all pretty funny, and you get some super sweet items, including a Fire Pendant, a Bag of Dragonite (Using it in battle transforms you into a dragon for one turn and do big-time damage. Yeah, this game’s mythology is all-encompassing), and the always useful revivifying Cup of Lifenoodles.
Not only that, but once you finally reach the end of cave, you meet Talah Rama, an enlightened Monkey with visions of the future who ascertains that, YES, YOU are meant to restore balance to the Earth, and he offers you an awesome power to help you. [You can accept or reject this awesome power. Talah Rama jovially supports either choice.] He also gives you the Trout Yogurt Dispenser.
Ultimately, you’ll end up following one of his monkey disciples all of the way out of the cave and onto the desert highway. Here, you are taught the ability PSI Teleport, which allows you to travel back to any place you have previously visited. Well, hot fucking damn.
What I love about PSI Teleport is that, even with the ability to travel anywhere almost instantly, you still have to put some effort in. You can only use it if you have enough space in front of you to gather speed and then “take off”. If you collide with anything before you actually teleport, the skill fails and you lose those Psychic Points.
What’s especially devious about this is that, if you were to teleport to Saturn Valley as I did when I first got this ability, you would not be able to teleport OUT of Saturn Valley, because there’s not enough room! I don’t think that’s a coincidence – it’s one of the few places in the game you can rest without spending money.
Anyway, now you never have to take a bus again! If you Teleport back to Fourside, you’ll find Electra standing outside of the Monotoli Building, who’ll swipe the Trout Yogurt Dispenser and then grant you access to the VIP elevator inside!
Up on the 48th floor are a series of hallways and meeting rooms that are eerily empty, save for creepy Sentry Robots who will come directly after you once you draw near, ask you for identification, discover you have none, and initiate battle. These guys are especially diabolical because they’re always in places where it LOOKS LIKE you can avoid them, but in all but one situation, you can’t through normal means.
You can also find a room with Electra in it. She’ll give you some trout-flavored yogurt.
Finally, you end up in a room with a really doofy looking bucket o’ bolts called the Clumsy Robot. What’s funny about this guy is that, when it’s not wasting a turn doing something stupid, it fires missiles at you, doing massive damage. It’s the Mr. Magoo of boss fights.
The Clumsy Robot can also feed itself bolgna sandwiches, endlessly healing its HP to maximum. It seems like one of those stupid RPG rigged fights that you’re supposed to lose because the story says so!
But just as things seem bad, The Runaway Five bust in and the boss music changes to something rompin’ and awesome! One of the them accidentally flips the robot’s power switch, and the fight is won.
You can always count on one thing – every time you bail The Runaway Five outta debt, they always return the favor.
[The truth is, I found out, the balogna sandwich does nothing to heal the Clumsy Robot. Once the Runaway Five show up, that basically means to did enough damage to defeat him, like any other fight. But this way is so much funnier. Oh my God! Why don’t more RPGs have fights that end like this? The set piece possibilities are endless!]
In the next room, you find a broken old man who immediately begs for forgiveness and runs behind Paula, cowering.
Paula behaves just as she did the first time you rescued her from captivity, calm and optimistic. She also assures you that Monotoli actually isn’t all that bad.
Monotoli basically places all of the blame on the Mani Mani Statue, which he claims attracts evil and weakens the hearts of those who come into contact with it.
He also says that he received messages from the statue, telling him to make sure that Ness and gang never make it to the resort town, Summers, and that they never find out about the “Pyramid” or some such. He intuits that Ness definitely should go to Summers, and offers his helicopter as a means of conveyance, opening the secret door to his private helipad.
When you get out to the helipad, you find… POKEY?!
That fat fucking FUCK! Now that Monotoli is a plain old man again, Pokey has no use for him, so he steals the helicopter and flies away. Where the hell could he possibly go? Hopefully his weight throws off the helicopter’s balance and he crashes and dies. How’d he even GET out there??
When you head back inside to tell Monotoli what happened, he actually expresses concern for Pokey. I always thought this to mean that Monotoli is such a nice guy, he would even fear for the safety of someone who used him as tool and probably was the person ACTUALLY RESPONSIBLE for all of the bad attributed to his own self.
Only this time did I consider that maybe Monotoli expresses concern for Pokey because he knows something about the helicopter that we don’t…?
When you move to leave, a “!” appears over Paula’s head and everything fades to black around her.
It’s a disquieting moment, suggesting that’s Paula’s ESP is a strange and alienating thing, another facet of her feminine otherness. When things return to normal, she shrugs off the episode as a spell of dizziness and suggests that the gang heads back to the town of Threed. The Runaway Five offer you a ride there.
On your way out of the building you suddenly receive ANOTHER call from Apple Kid.
Hello! How are you? This is Apple Kid. I think I’m a real genius… In fact, I know I’m a genius. Why? Well, I have discovered the primary enemy of you and of all humanity. We have to fight and defeat this being… To do so, we need to invent a machine called the “Phase Distorter.” I’ve got to find the wandering scientist, Dr. Andonuts, and make the distorter. So, I may be gone for a while. Later… *click*
I told you to remember that Phase Distorter! This is another eerie moment for me. You’ve been told about evil and darkness before, but those were by special people who have a certain spiritual awareness. Apple Kid, though a genius, is just a regular dude. Is Giygas’ evil so pervasive that even average people are starting to pick up on it?
If you still haven’t figured out what’s waiting in Threed, the Runaway Five give you a hint after they drop you off in their sweet bus: “By the way, why did you need to come back here? You must have forgotten some very important item or gadget here… How’s that for a guess? Am I close?”
Head up to the graveyard, where Jeff crash-landed the Sky Runner, and you’ll find that the members of the zombie action committee, formerly so useless, have restored the Sky Runner to working order! Hop in, and you’re on your way~~~~~~~
That was a long one, but everything in this entire sequences is basically emblematic of Earthbound.
Clear and intertwining objectives (Find THIS monkey to get THIS machine to rescue THIS girl to intuit THIS method of travel to reach THIS resort town…)
